It has become a norm that children answer “fine” when the parents ask how their day was. And, it is a concern for the parents because they feel that their children are not sharing anything with them.
On the other hand, when you ask the children, they would say that parents wouldn’t have much time for them, or they overreact, or they just simply don’t understand.
Above all, and most probably the main reason for everything in this scenario is that the parents are too busy and they move too fast in every aspect of their lives.
The thing is; you need to listen slowly and calmly to your child in order to understand what he/she has to say. You can play with them sometimes like by ride on cars with remote control. It’s a skill that definitely makes a person faster than an individual who has the habit of doing everything in haste. Here, you can consider Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh as a role model who is known to move slowly and listen deeply to everything. This is the big reason that he is often considered pretty close to a snail, a cloud, and heavy machinery.
Now, you don’t need to be slowest like a snail because we need to keep up with the things around us. However, moving around in a pace and feeling the urgency to get everything done is the attributes which can make a person do some mistakes that can ruin a familial life. So, you need to slow down and give priority to the familial matters by keeping in mind that family is above your business.
Along with slowing down, you also need to be like a cloud and the heavy machinery. A cloud is softer. Hence, you can approach things with a lighter mood. However, you will need to make others feel your presence. They should know that you are physically available like heavy machinery.
With that said, you can refer to the still point in your inner self. That will help you to slow down in listening and thinking about your children. This way, you will not only find it easy to have longer sessions of listening to the children but you will also be able to understand what they want to say.
Here, you can ask a few questions to yourself.
- Can I really get into the depth of everything including listening by slowing down?
- Am I capable of taking a pause and bring my deepest attention in order to effectively interact with my family?
- What is it that I can do to slow down and interact with my child?
- Does it really work for me to just sit for a few minutes to have a feeling of peace of mind?
- What is or could be the behavioral change that my child reflects when I slow down?
Slowing down helps you listen
Slowing down is for the purpose of finding a time slot to take any action. So, there are a few things that you can do.
- While you have slowed down yourself, try to reach your inner self to find silence and peace.
- Feel the sensations which are running through your body.
- Ensure proper eye contact with your child while he/she speaks
- You should be able to notice the upset tone of your child; that would be a request to be heard.
- Try to reach the meanings of every word from your child.